herobydefault | (no subject)

Current Mood: thinky hurts my hed owww

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Mark.
Senel.
Sora.
Misa, someone else I didn't recognize.
Duo.
A boy named Hijiri, I think his name was. Sounded like that.
...Kadaj.

Haruki.
Noishe.
Ahiru.
Kotori.

Am I missing anybody?

[[Accidental Voice]]

[There's a long pause, and then some background noises of someone moving things around.]

All in my head. MY head. She didn't deserve anything. Survival of the fittest, alien bitch. Teach you to mess with me.

Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it. [Murmured.] Don't talk about it either, Cloud.

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[Cloud cannot see the look, buried halfway into his closet, but can hear it in Zack's tone and answers in a somewhat annoyed manner, tossing aside an extra pair of boots (since apparently he needed them).]

I was, actually. Used my ears to do it and everything.

[Goddammit, Cloud, stop making this difficult.]

Why do you always think you have to do this alone?

[Cloud emerges from his mess and glares at Zack.]

What do you want me to do?

[You get the look now, Cloud.]

It'd be nice if you'd rely on me a little more. I'm starting to feel kind of obsolete here.

[Cloud kind of kneels there, feeling a little ashamed of himself before turning back to his closet (although now more for the sake of having something to do with his hands).]

Fine. But I still don't know what you expect me to say.

[Zack crosses his arms.]

I don't know what you expect me to do, because you know I won't just sit by when you're having trouble.

Y'know, sometimes Zack, there's nothing you can do. [Cloud stands, gives Zack a Look with hooded eyes, and moves over to kneel beside his bed and peer beneath it.]

For the record, I didn't expect you to do anything. Thus why I didn't go to you for help.

[Zack gives him a somewhat weary look, mixed with disappointment, and turns to leave. He's a little tired of this particular song-and-dance.]

You know what, fine. I'm gonna believe in you this time, Spike - I'll trust you to ask me for help when you really need it.

Edited 2009-01-01 02:57 (UTC)

[Cloud's hand snaps out and grabs Zack's wrist.

He looks away.]

[And Zack stops immediately.]

...Yeah?

[Cloud avoids looking at Zack, but his grip tightens.]

...I don't...know what's wrong.

[Zack turns back and plops down right beside Cloud, pursing his lips.]

...Any clues?

I dunno. [Cloud just slumps beside Zack, his back against the bed and reaches up to rub his eyes.]

I just...I feel like I'm- skipping. Like a bad video feed. Like my memories aren't going straight in a timeline, and...when I go to sleep, I wake up somewhere else.

[Zack glances sidelong at him, arms on his knees.]

... Because you got your memories back.

I guess so. [Cloud shakes his head, dragging his hand through his hair.] Probably, yeah. Yeah.

[And all Zack can do is curse.]

Shit.

It's all in my head. My head, it's my problem. I can handle this.

[Cloud kind of just stares off at the toe of his left boot.] Don't think about it.

...I gotta ask you something.

[Zack's quiet for a minute, looking ahead at the wall.]

Can you even do that?

[Cloud flinches. Draws his knee up. Hides his face against it.]

No. Weak, weakling.

[Zack watches him carefully, but doesn't move, not wanting to make him flinch again.]

You're not a weakling, Spike. If I had that much shit dumped in my head I'd have issues too. We just have to work through it somehow.

You do. [Digging fingers into bangs now, not lifting his head.]

Have this shit in your head. And you're fine. Something's wrong, really wrong.

I didn't get it all at once, though. I had four years to take it in. And I didn't have a crazy bitch's voice in my head. I'm not as strong as you think I am, Cloud.

[Unable to help it, Zack reaches out and brushes his fingers through Cloud's hair. He hates to see his friend in pain like this.]

It's- [Cloud fidgets, but stills a bit at Zack's touch. Feels like home.]

...like it's... [He struggles to put words to what exactly the problem is.] There's a...flicker at the edge of everything I think and...and I can't help but look at it, but when I do it goes away. And I think it's- I can't concentrate sometimes, have to keep myself busy. But once I don't have something to focus on, I keep seeing that flicker, and then it whispers and sometimes I agree and sometimes I don't...sometimes I just wish it would be quiet, but it's what I'm thinking. It's not good, not good.

Edited 2009-01-01 09:02 (UTC)

... Cloud...

[Zack swallows hard, trying so damn hard not to look spooked. He wants to help, wants to be supportive, and to do that he can't get spooked. But it's hard.]

This is going to be hard, man, but you have to keep talking about it. Don't shut it in, and screw my advice - don't stop thinking about it either. I couldn't help Seph last time because he wouldn't let me. I... I can't let that happen to you.

Edited 2009-01-01 09:08 (UTC)

I'm going crazy, right? Like he did. [Cloud's hand in his hair begins to shake, and he pulls tighter into himself.]

Holy, I don't want to- I read somewhere that actually crazy people don't think they're crazy, but that's what's happening to me, right? I'm getting there. I'm starting to go there, and this time I can't just go into a coma and run away and forget, not again not again never again-...

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